


Kevamie FBI agent meme au (I'm sorry)

by McFaye



Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Easily the weirdest au i've probably ever written, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-16 10:48:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13634748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McFaye/pseuds/McFaye





	1. Chapter 1

I’m sorry the meme is funny and when you actually think about it the idea is kinda cute 

When Kevin had started his job at the FBI, his assignment was not as cool as he’d hoped, and neither were most of them. He’d thought he’d be researching cool things like mind control and other universes, and instead he’d been given the most boring assignment. Watching someone constantly through their device’s front camera, perfect. 

He started off with what they referred to as an ‘easy one’, a man who usually went out a lot and used his phone sparingly. The times he’d be away Kevin would have to stop himself from falling asleep at his desk. This was boring, he wanted something to watch more often, something he could pretend was entertainment throughout his dull day. Of course it never sufficed. He particularly hated his current assignment.

In the morning he had clocked in and slumped down into his desk ready to check in on Mr Whatshisface, as per usual on a Friday morning. He opened up the program, made specially for him and his coworkers, and waited for it to load. At realizing the sight he was greeted with, he flipped open the little notebook he’d kept in his desk, and turned to a page marked ‘It has been 5 days since he’s jacked off’. He uncapped his pen, crossed out the five, and scrawled a zero underneath it. He rubbed his temples and looked away from the screen. This was not what he anticipated when he took this job.

“Hey Kevin, you have a new assignment.” Kevin looked behind him to find his boss. Fucking finally, he hated the guy he had to watch. Never even had a conversation with him before and he utterly despised him. He would take literally anyone else.

Kevin watched the information and stats flash on his screen as it went through the possible candidates he could watch. It was scary, all the information they had about people, even if a majority of it was basic, like height and weight. After about a minute and a half, the screen locked on a guy who looked much more bearable than the previous one. Jamie Cordero, brown eyes, brown hair, 5’11. He had really nice hair and a cute face, but that just made him feel creepy. He always felt creepy when working, knowing that the person on the screen had no idea they were being surveilled. He waited for the program to boot up and connect him to Jamie’s camera.

“There you go, get back to work.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. He didn’t really understand why they were doing this anyway, 99% of the people they watched were boring, the only footage they had was just them looking at their device, and most of the websites were innocent. Innocent in terms of not making deadly weapons, that is. Some of the sites him and his coworkers had come across had been things they had never wanted to ever see. Only once in a blue moon was there ever anyone worthy of enough suspicion, and more often than not it turned out to be nothing. After a while, the screen showed him the man sitting up, drinking soda, presumably watching something.

“Same taste in soda, huh?” Kevin muttered to himself as he looked at the brand name on the bottle. He felt even creepier now that he was relating to his assignment. The most important thing they stressed when telling the employees about this job was not to get attached. It reminded him of the time some lady had gotten assigned to an elderly woman and cried when she died. She even had a little memorial service in the lunch room, and Kevin had reluctantly gotten her a card of condolences. He laid back in his chair, prepared for another day of boredom. Usually when the person on screen didn’t do anything, he’d click the little icon in the corner to find out what site they were on. It showed that Jamie was on Youtube, and had been for the past hour. He snickered, seeing that he’d started with a music video and was now watching a video detailing how not to pay for Ikea furniture. ‘Godspeed, Jamie,’ he thought.

His predictions in Jamie being relatively the same as anyone else they watched was incorrect. He actually did things. He would be staring at Jamie’s bathroom ceiling as he used his phone for music as he showered, faintly being able to hear him singing along. Every time he’d change in front of his laptop Kevin would courteously cover his eyes. He would video chat with his friends and he had learned that Jamie had a smile that could make flowers grow. Surveilling him was almost heartwarming, he was such a happy, adorable person, and the fact that he thought that only made him feel more awful. Jamie had no idea that everything he’d done in front of the camera of a device he owned was seen by someone he didn’t even know, and now Kevin was starting to think this guy was adorable.

Jamie was a fun person, he would hum to himself about nothing. Kevin would watch the little screen in the corner showing what Jamie was doing on his computer, and when he laughed at a post he would laugh along too, depending on how close the post was to his sense of humor. But even if it wasn’t funny to him, seeing his assignment laugh and snort at something was kind of cute. Sometimes Jamie would softly read a post out loud to himself, or at least he thought to himself, as he read it, and then he’d smile. It was easily the most wholesome thing Kevin had seen in a long time. 

“‘When I scroll down before the FBI agent finishes reading it’” Jamie had started laughing to himself, scaring Kevin a little. Ever since the stupid meme came out they had started talking about this job being ‘in jeopardy’ now that the public could find out about this project. Kevin had thought those meetings were stupid, they probably couldn’t do worse than MK Ultra, but now he was a little frightened. He didn’t know what would happen if everyone actually found out.

“Sorry, agent, I’ll wait for you next time.” Jamie looked directly into the camera as he spoke and Kevin could feel some sweat run down his neck. The next paragraph-post he had read rather quickly, he was a good reader. He was about to scroll down, but stopped.

“This one’s for you, dude.” Kevin felt he could see him through the camera, after all he was only about two sentences in. He continued to read and laughed softly when he was done.

“You all good?” Though he knew he couldn’t hear him, he assured him with a small nod. All the coworkers found Kevin weird when they’d walk behind his desk. The way he softly looked at the screen was a little scary to them. The heart eyes he gave Jamie was a popular topic amongst the other employees.

Since being more aware of the popular internet topic of the FBI agent watching him, he would speak to his camera as if he was right there. Of course every time Jamie didn’t think he was actually talking to him, he thought he was just being silly. For this reason, Kevin shouldn’t have muttered a response every time, garnering weird looks from everyone else. Sometimes Jamie would vent about his day to the camera. To Jamie, it was pathetic, talking to no one. To Kevin, he would become invested in Jamie’s life, listening to him rant about particularly rude people whom he’d had the displeasure of delivering mail to.

One thing Kevin had noticed was that Jamie had an affinity for acting. In all the numerous video chats he watched, he would make jokes of monologues and a soliloquy or two. Through various conversations he learned that Jamie had an audition coming up. It wasn’t a major bit, a minor role near the end of the movie. Though normally someone would be upset about a small role, he was ecstatic. As he told his friends he was so excited that if he did get the role he’d get to see his results in the production soon after filming. He was such an optimistic person, and after he used his laptop to record his audition, he knew he couldn’t take it if he was rejected. He learned that Jamie had been rejected from the movie business multiple times and it broke his heart.  
\--  
“Please, come on man. I know you have strings you can pull.” Kevin begged the man who worked at the desk next to him. After learning all his connections to the movie Jamie was auditioning for, he knew that there was something he could do. He had to watch Jamie all the time, but if he would have to see him sad and dejected for months, he’d probably become pretty sad as well. It’d ruin his day. Merely six or so minutes ago he watched Jamie tell his friends that he was sending the audition in, so if Kevin was to act, it had to be now.

“Why should I? He’s just some random guy you have to watch, didn’t you hear what they said at the beginning?” Kevin grimaced. 

“Oh you owe me, I was the one who punched the vending machine for you when your chips didn’t fall.”

“How does that compare to thi-” 

“Pleeeaaassseee?” He sounded like a five year old begging for a new toy. Finally, he broke his coworker down. He calmed his glare. Kevin was practically giving him puppy dog eyes.

“Just this once. I can’t make any definite promises, but i’ll try. You don’t get any more favors though.”

“Of course.”

“And remember, from here on in. Don’t. Get. Attached. Besides, you’ve never even met the guy.” He walked away from Kevin coldly. He really hoped that he was keeping his promise. He begrudgingly turned back to his computer set up.  
\--

The next few days Jamie had appeared to be worn, clearly stressed over waiting for his results on the audition. It had Kevin worried too. He barely talked to his deskmate, he didn’t know that he’d do what he asked, or begged. But even if he did, would it even work? The entertainment business was a rough place. Jamie didn’t laugh as full as he usually did when he found something funny, the laugh would fall off quicker. He was nervous at the thought of rejection and the thought of getting the part. What would he do if he did get it? He’d never been in an actual movie before. Jamie had been in local plays, but only seen by about 20-30 people at a time. Kevin wished he could go through the screen and give him a comforting hug. Kevin wished he could tell him he could absolutely do it and that he would be amazing at it. That there would be people lining up on the streets to watch it.

Before being assigned to Jamie, Kevin’s days were mundane, only occasionally getting to watch some random man who more often than not just stared at the screen. His childhood amazement of the FBI and top secret cool experiments was debunked when he realized he’d be sitting on his ass all day watching people to see if they were gonna do anything dangerous. If anyone that had been watching before was going to do anything dangerous he never paid attention. His days were usually spent sleeping with his eyes open. But with Jamie, he was always awake. He was interesting, the only assignment that seemed like an actual person with a personality.  
\--

“Oh my god, Jenny! I got the part!” Jamie looked into his front camera as he gleefully screamed at his friend about the audition. It was late at night, and he could have left work about an hour ago. He could feel the corners of his eyes stinging and his face hurt from how wide his smile went. 

“Dude, are you crying?” A coworker from the other side of the room looked at his screen over his shoulder with an eyebrow raised.

“Shut up!” Kevin’s voice broke as he retorted.

He wiped his eyes as she walked away, watching Jamie’s beautiful smile. He was so happy for him. Jamie loved acting and got a part in a movie just like he’d always dreamed. The lights on the other side of the office turned off, signaling that anyone else who had remained with him late had gone home. At the sudden lack of lights, he looked up, abruptly aware of the reality of the situation. He was watching a stranger experience the happiest moment of his life, which he had indirectly given to him. And he was alone now. Everyone else had left, moved on with their lives, not being affected by what happened to their assignments. He looked back at his screen, seeing the sparkle of tears in Jamie’s eyes. He scrolled to the little ‘x’ at the top of the screen for the surveillance program.

“‘Don’t get attached.’” He clicked and the vision of Jamie’s joy had disappeared, leaving only the standard FBI screensaver staring back at him.


	2. Chapter 2

Kevin’s days at work since Jamie getting the part were jovial. He was usually a more reserved person, keeping conversations to a minimum, and if he did talk he was dismissive and quick to end it. Yet now, he was smiling more, and he’d actually had a few pleasant conversations with his coworkers, even wished a few of them good morning. He was so happy for Jamie, regardless of if it happened honestly or not, he knew the creators of that movie would not regret their decision. The times Jamie had been acting and rehearsing in front of his camera had been enough to get Kevin invested in his life and well being. After all, he felt so strongly that Jamie deserved fame that he pulled strings to get it to him. Because of this he couldn’t help some feelings of guilt, which were then overtook by feelings of pride for Jamie getting his well deserved recognition. It was strange, this only happening because of a computer’s random decision.

Since Jamie had gotten the part, he unfortunately didn’t see him on as much. Most of the time in his days was taken up delivering mail to his town, which coincidentally ended up being the town Kevin was in, and now the hours after that dwindled. Kevin told himself it was for the greater good, that he was off acting, living his dreams, becoming a movie star. So many people fantasized about stardom, and now Jamie had gotten it. Kevin was thankful for Jamie’s tendency to often video chat with his friends about his recent endeavors in life, it gave him the opportunity to hear how his day went. One could argue it wasn’t any of his business, but if he was going to have to hear this anyway, it paid to be interested. There was nothing else that was going to entertain him.

That was why he treasured the hour or two that Jamie was online. Even if all he saw was just Jamie laying down with his laptop on his chest with a double chin it would make him happy. Since he never knew if Jamie was going to be on or not he wouldn’t leave his desk. He could have just paid attention to the notifications on his phone telling him when Jamie was turning his computer on but he couldn’t deny he was always looking forward to seeing Jamie again, yet it saddened him that he couldn’t respond to Jamie.

“Hey Kevin, office.” Kevin perked up from looking at the blank screen when he heard his boss call for him. He reluctantly got up from his desk and followed him. Sometimes he found it a little fun when he went into the office. Partially because it usually wasn’t anything serious, mostly because he often paid no attention due to pretending he was in a spy movie and was getting interrogated. He wondered if Jamie’s movie was a spy movie. He’d be a good spy, doing all the stunt flips and cool shit. Thinking about this nearly made Kevin run into the wall. He sat down in the chair across from the desk. 

“As I’m told, you have been interfering with the life of your assignment. Though trying to get him a part in a movie was nice of you, but this is a conflict of interest. The public is not supposed to know about the surveillance program and you are fraternizing with your assignment.” Kevin spluttered at the last sentence. He’d never even met Jamie.

“W-wait, I’ve never even talked to Jamie before, how could I be fraternizing?”  
“Well the fact that you refer to him by his first name instead of Mr. Cordero already implies enough. You may not have talked to him, but you’ve probably thought about it. For this reason, we implore you not to go see the movie when it comes out in a few months.”

 

“How would he be able to recognize me there? He wouldn’t even be there.” His boss refuted with a million more examples. The other secret agents and whatnot would somehow know. Frankly Kevin didn’t think it was any of their business.  
\--

Kevin had flagrantly disregarded his boss’s instructions not to see the movie. He’d been scoping out the online commercials to find out the release date. He fully intended to buy out the entire snack bar and if possible, reserve the best seat, right in the middle, for the full experience of the audio and visuals. If he was able to, he’d rent out the whole theater for himself.

After a week or two, Jamie was back to being online for much longer now that his part of the filming was over. According to what he told his friends the movie would be out in about six months. It seemed so soon to Jamie, but an eternity to Kevin. He was happy he was back, he missed his adorable reading-to-himself habit and the little made up songs he hummed to himself. Yet, ‘Don’t get attached’ echoed in his brain whenever he’d usually be so happy that Jamie was being his adorable usual self. He hated not being able to be happy at him, it made him feel emotionless, like a robot. It was Kevin’s understanding that Jamie’s smile was like a cute dog; if it didn’t warm your heart, you were going to hell.

And yet, he was getting drowsy as Jamie was, tired after a long day of walking around delivering mail. He was tired after sitting at his desk for hours. He wanted to keep watching Jamie. Sure he wasn’t doing anything but staring at his screen and scrolling he didn’t want to stop. If anyone asked he’d chock it up to making sure he wasn’t building a bomb or something. Kevin’s eyes drifted to the mini screen in the corner, to see what he was looking at anyway. He clicked the little icon telling him how long he’d been doing something. He had been watching those damn ‘oddly satisfying’ wax seal videos for about an hour now.

“Oy, here.” Kevin felt something hit the back of his head. He turned around to see the coworker he’d begged to the other day walking back to his desk. Looking down at the floor behind him, he saw a narrow strip of glossy paper. He picked it up and read the typed letters. The title of Jamie’s movie followed by the words ‘private premiere’. He turned it over to find the name of the local movie theater. The premiere would take place after the theater closed. 

“Hey. Hey, uh, you.” Kevin realized he did not learn his name. He ignored him, not turning away from his screen, watching someone recording a video of how to make something he didn’t understand. He slumped back to his chair and crumpled up a piece of paper out of the little notebook on his desk. He stood up again looking over the partition between their desks, throwing the paper wad at his head.

“Get back to work or I’m telling the boss you stole paperclips.” Kevin grimaced and went back to his chair. He looked at the piece of paper again. It was a ticket to Jamie’s private movie premiere, taking place next Friday night. Whoever was making the movie must have been working fast. He got up again, barely able to get his head over the top of the partition.

“Hey. Hey! Psst.”

“If you’re gonna talk to me you’d better learn my name first.” Kevin rolled his eyes. As if he’d ever bothered to tell him his name. He craned his neck to look at the patch on his FBI sweatshirt. He was about to read his name but he covered it with his hand.

“Hey.” He pulled back in his chair, turning to look at Kevin with his hands folded.

“The hell do you want that must interfere with my top secret work.” Kevin scoffed. Nobody they saw on their screens was ever worthy of suspicion. 

“Thanks.” His coworker almost smiled. He turned back to his computer, clicking an icon and analyzing the information it gave him, and then wrote it down, reminding Kevin that he was supposed to be logging the information he got. He slid back down into his chair and wrote down the information in the reports about the sites the computer gave him. He wondered if anyone ever read these reports anyways, they very rarely had to turn them in, and they always got them back almost immediately.   
\--

The air was cold and freezing outside Kevin’s apartment. He had managed to fake sick and got out of work early to see Jamie’s movie. The door on his car was nearly frozen shut and it took a few yanks to get it open. As soon as he turned the car on he tapped the seat heater button. He sat for a few minutes waiting for his car to get warmer. Digging his hands into his pockets, his right hand brushed against his ticket, and he took it out. He stared down at the words until they no longer made sense. Since this was the first private premiere, Jamie would probably be there, watching how he did. Well, he knew he’d be there, he had told his friends so over video chat. 

He was going to be in the same room as him. The same room as Jamie, the man he’d been surveilling for over half a year. He’d be in the same room as Jamie, who knew absolutely nothing about him, yet he knew nearly everything about him. Kevin had learned so much about Jamie over this period of time. He knew his favorite color was teal, that he had a pet lizard, that he was an absolute nerd, and that he was positively adorable. That disgusting feeling of creepiness was coming back. He knew him so well, he probably knew more about Jamie than some of his friends did. Kevin knew what Jamie looked at online all the time, the songs he hummed when he was alone, and the way he looked when he changed into his pajamas, which were simply a shirt and his boxers, and the way he looked when he walked out of the shower with his music blaring out of his phone. 

The last part made him feel particularly weird. It was already strange that he knew so much random information about him, but the fact that he knew how he looked without clothes on made him feel much more like a stalker. He had resolved not to speak to Jamie if he saw him, it would make him feel too gross, too wrong. To speak to him knowing so much about him. How tragic, separating himself from the one he loved to save them from himself. He mentally kicked himself for thinking ‘the one he loved’ he didn’t even know him. His voice probably sounded weird through a camera so he didn’t even know what his voice really sounded like. His lovely voice… oh no.

Kevin reassured himself that this was merely a crush, a sense of longing. There was no denying that he was interested in him, and that if they were to meet under different circumstances it would make more sense to call what he felt love. Maybe his boss was partially right about the fraternizing theory. Not that they were actually in a relationship, but as much as Kevin would like to deny it, he sure would like to be. He heaved a sigh and put the ticket back into his pocket, and raising his hands to the steering wheel. He pulled out of his driveway and made for the movie theater. 

He was dressed slightly formally as not to stand out. Kevin knew that if the majority of the audience was going to be the actors that had participated in the movie, they would most likely be dressed in suits and ties and sparkly dresses. There might even be a photo shoot. Oh god, a photo shoot. He was going to the premiere, not even an actor, and they might think he was, and try to take a picture of him. The pictures would come out, people would notice that he wasn’t in the movie, he would be publicly shamed, and then he would move to a remote cave in Antarctica. He took a deep breath.

“Relax. It’s time to go, Kevin.” Kevin talked to himself more often than he should have, and in the third person. He was in the parking lot now, and if he didn’t get out of the car now, he’d miss it. The car door was heavy as he pushed it and got out. He walked inside and up to the ticket stand.

“Hello sir, can I see your ticket please?” As Kevin fished it out of his pocket he looked over to the other side of the room, there were celebrities posing. Fuck, there was a photo shoot. He handed the ticket to the lady and didn’t take his eyes off the celebrities. There he was. Standing with his co stars, smiling the adorably heartwarming smile he’d grown so accustomed to. He felt like time was frozen, and he couldn’t move. Suddenly, his eyes met Jamie’s, for merely a moment. It was clear that Jamie didn’t think of him the same way Kevin did, he had no idea who he was. He wondered if he was an extra he hadn’t talked to before, there would only be actors from the movie there, or at least that’s what he was told. Jamie was ethereal, dressed so perfectly. Kevin felt it was a shame he had to tear his eyes away.

Kevin looked away and over to the snack bar. He walked up to the counter and bought an orange soda and a large popcorn. The walk over to the threshold of the theater wasn’t anything special, but when he got there, about to step over the conflicting patterns of carpet. He was really about to do this. His boss would personally put a boot up his ass if he found out he was doing this. He could practically hear him now, telling him that if he stepped onto the other carpet he would be fired for sure. Kevin raised his foot and let it fall onto the diamond patterned carpet. His pace sped up as he walked towards the room. He pushed open the door with his hip, as his hands were full.

The theater was practically empty right then. Only a few people sat in the front rows, the rest of the actors being in the main room posing for pictures. He trudged up the stairs to the back rows, and sat next to the speakers. Though there were very few people in there at the moment, they talked way too loud, and he wanted to be able to hear the movie. After about fifteen minutes, people began filtering in and taking up seats. There were far more actors in this movie than he had anticipated. He threw his head back and looked at the ceiling, counting the ornate patterns. He didn’t notice anyone come up the stairs, so he was surprised when he heard someone speaking to him.

“Hey, is this seat taken?” And there was Jamie with a fancy suit on and a bag of popcorn in his hands.


	3. Chapter 3

It took Kevin a few moments to realize that Jamie was talking to him, and a few more moments to realize he was supposed to respond. He expected that he would just watch the movie and go home, and now Jamie was talking to him. Hearing his voice in real life made him shudder. His voice was so beautiful over the cameras yet hearing it right in front of him was a million times better. The way his voice wrapped around his words was so poetic, so lovely. His heart began to race.

Jamie had made a decision to sit next to him upon realizing he didn’t recognize him. He thought Kevin was perhaps an extra or other actor he hadn’t been able to meet throughout shooting. He was a very sociable person, and he wanted to make friends with him. From the moment they made eye contact during the photo shoot he thought he might be good to talk to. He looked shy and closed off, and was completely alone. He had steered away from the cameras, refusing to take credit for whatever role he had.

“Uh, no, the seat is free. Sit down.” Jamie nodded happily and set his popcorn in his lap. Upon noticing Kevin getting nervous he began to think that he may not have been in any role particularly. He must have been a very obscure extra, anxious about being around one of the actors with a speaking role. He mentally kicked himself for that last part, as if he felt like one of the more important actors. Just a half a year ago he was just crying in front of his webcam about getting the part.

“So, what role did you play?” The hair on the back of Kevin’s next stood up as he tried to think of what he could make up. He looked over to Jamie, seeing him tilt his head slightly. Over the course of surveilling him he learnt that sometimes Jamie would absentmindedly tilt his head when he was waiting for a response from someone. Noticing one of his little quirks made him feel a little more comfortable. He was so used to him, it almost made him feel a little safer.

“Oh uh, just one of the background people. I was walking, only in the frame for like two seconds. It was barely a role. I shouldn’t even be here.” At least the last sentence was honest.

“Of course you should be here! I played a side character, I only had like two lines and I’m still here. If you were in the movie at all you deserve to see the premiere.” Kevin was so distracted by how sweet Jamie was he forgot he wasn’t supposed to be there.

“That’s really nice of you, thanks.” Kevin knew Jamie was a kind person, but he didn’t feel like it was real. He had only known him through the screen, it was like watching a movie. But in real life, he was so sweet, so saccharine, so beautiful. 

Suddenly, the room darkened and the screen widened, slowly beginning to light up, showing the logo of the production company. Kevin could see Jamie jump slightly with excitement. He had been waiting his whole life for this moment, and Kevin helped him get it. He was so happy, so much more confident than he had been when he was first assigned to him. Kevin would have to thank his coworker again for his help.   
The majority of the movie passed without any sight of Jamie, but when he saw Jamie on screen, speaking basic lines. Though fictional, it reminded him of how talented he was when he was just fake acting in front of his webcam. Though he promised himself not to talk to Jamie he was so thankful that he started it. Talking to him, seeing him, sitting next to him was one of the best things he had ever experienced. Watching him laugh at the funny moments, watching him stare in disbelief at himself when he came on screen, it was enchanting. His heart was racing again. He knew this feeling, he hadn’t really felt it in so long. He had felt a sliver of it when he surveilled Jamie but now it was much more vivid. He could have denied it before, but now there was no way to get around it. 

Kevin didn’t think Jamie would feel the same way about him, not at all. He hadn’t been watching Kevin for the past half year, he hadn’t come to be familiar with his mannerisms and idiosyncrasies. He had only just met him. Yet he was so eager to sit with him, to talk with him, to ask him about his role. He told himself it was because Jamie was such a sweet person. Soon, the movie had ended. Kevin could barely remember the plot or even the names of the characters. The only thing he could remember was the shine of the screen in Jamie’s eyes as he watched or the way he pointed out when some of his actor friends were on screen. It was adorable.

“Don’t get attached.” Jamie looked over.

“What was that?” 

“N-nothing.”

Kevin hated how he had to remind himself of that. He hated how that was even something he had to keep in mind. He wished he could fall head over heels with no hurdles, nothing standing in the way of infatuation. But his stupid job. It was a love hate relationship for him. It got Kevin to meet him but it kept him from him at the same time. He hated the FBI, he hated his work. Sure, some bad things could be prevented through the program but all the agents watching innocent people and getting familiar with them. Learning everything about them. He felt for him far more than most other people in his life. He would say he barely knew him, but the truth was he knew so much about him, far more than he cared to admit.

Now that the movie was over and other actors began to socialize with one another, Jamie began to browse on his phone. Kevin dug his hand into his pocket to realize he left his phone in the car. He sighed. It wasn’t like there was much he could do with it besides call, due to the fact that his phone was ancient and incompatible with most phones of other people. He turned to Jamie when he heard him laugh.

“What’s so funny?” After he finished laughing he turned his screen for Kevin to see what was so humorous. It was a picture of someone getting a message from ‘FBI agent watching me’ to ask if they could watch the last episode again. Jamie was still laughing slightly, but all the blood drained from Kevin’s face. The meme was kind of funny, he could admit that, but being one of the people who watched those insolent memers gave him anxiety when he saw those posts. He could agree on some of them, because he had experienced fawning over his assignment to the point he could relate to a shitpost. Jamie stopped smiling when he realized Kevin wasn’t laughing.

“Sorry, I thought it was funny.”

 

“No it was, it was funny.” Jamie flashed a crooked smile.

“I don’t know, I just think the memes are funny. I don’t think there are actually agents watching us.”

“Is it really that crazy, though?” There were many things Kevin said that he eventually regretted, but this one he regretted immediately. It looked like Jamie was thinking, considering the possibility.

“I don’t know. If they did you’d think we’d know and stop making memes about it.” Kevin laughed loudly and nervously, trying to exaggerate the ludicrousy of the concept.

“Psh, yeah. Of course, they don’t do any surveillance. Just a, stupid joke. But even if we did, probably wouldn’t even let anyone know about it.”

“‘We’?” Fire alarms and Kill Bill sirens went off in Kevin’s head, violently and loudly. 

“They, sorry. Sometimes I mess up my words.” Jamie giggled nervously. Kevin could tell the one word he slipped up on made all the difference in his perception of him. He definitely thought Kevin was implying himself to be part of the FBI, but it was silly though, of course he wouldn’t be.

“Yeah, words are tricky sometimes.”

“So, uh. I’m Jamie, you?” Kevin almost forgot his own name as he realized what Jamie was asking him. He knew his name, he had known it for so long that hearing the name come from his mouth was surreal. If he had been thinking logical, he would have given him a fake name, but this was the only time he’d ever be able to have a conversation with Jamie as himself. Face to face. Together.

“I’m Kevin.” Jamie smiled the smile he had come to know so well.

“That’s a nice name. We should hang out sometime!” Kevin remembered back when he first started watching him, how he talked to his friends nervously and how he felt so self conscious about himself. Now, he was freely chatting with Kevin and even inviting him to hang out. He wished he could tell him how proud he was.

“Yeah, totally.” Jamie had given Kevin his Twitter in order for him to talk to him. He wasn’t surprised he didn’t get his personal number, they had technically just met. It was filled with photos of him smiling and taking pictures with other actors he worked with on the movie. It was admirable. He had come so far.

“Oooh, verified.” In the process of getting Jamie the part in the movie he hadn’t exactly been paying attention to the fact that he was gaining such popularity. His goal was to get him into a film like he’d always dreamed, he had completely forgotten about the stardom part of it.

The next fifteen or so minutes were spent talking to each other in the theater and getting to know each other. They had gotten so immersed into the conversation they weren’t aware that everyone else had gotten up and were walking out of the theater. They could hear the camera shutter from the main room go off, the other actors must have been taking another photo shoot.

“Aren’t you gonna go take photos with everyone else?” Jamie rubbed the back of his neck.

“Eh, I’m kind of tired, I’ll probably just go home.” He got up from his seat and picked up his empty bag of popcorn.

“I’ll see you again, right?” Kevin nodded, getting up after him.  
\--

Kevin was sitting in his car again, just as before the premiere. He didn’t have his ticket in his hand stare at anymore, so he dragged his nails across his steering wheel. He had gone against almost everything his employers would have told him to do. He wasn’t even supposed to interfere with his life and he had already agreed to hang out with him. The lights in the theater parking lot were almost blinding to him. As he tried to focus his sight again he noticed his car was the only one left in the lot. He had lingered far too long, wallowing in his own confusion and doubt.

He sighed and began to drive slowly out of the parking lot. The surrounding world was dark and felt like a different plane of reality. As if nothing outside of his car was real. The fluorescent lighting of distant business signs clouded his vision as he made his way onto the road. His eyes were itchy as he tried to blink them dimmer. He turned on his car radio and flipped through various stations, until settling on a song he liked.

“Duh duh, duh dud, duh duh.” Kevin hummed along to the song doing his best not to overthink what had just happened. He had reclined in his seat until he heard a high pitched noise coming from the radio. His radio had always done this far away from big cities. He would have to get someone to look at it. The noise sounded again.  
“For fuck’s sake.” He said out loud. He pulled over to the side of the road, pressing random buttons on the radio until the sound occurred again. Suddenly, after fiddling with the station dial, the sound beeped at him. There was a little red light coming from the space behind the dial that he squinted at. The lights in his car were a bright light blue, even when something was malfunctioning. 

His heart skipped a beat in panic, as it usually did when there was something wrong with his car. It was one of his most important and expensive possessions, and it had never done this before. He tentatively reached out his hand, gripping the dial and pulling it slowly, and surprisingly, pulled it out of the frame with ease. Instead of the normal car radio wiring being correctly attached, it was scrambled and missarranged. He moved it out of the way to find the source of the light. He remembered what the microscopic machine behind the dial was. It was the same type of camera the FBI had been putting into new generations of phones and other devices.  
\--

Going back to work on Monday was a worrisome event. From the moment he got in until he sat down at his computer only increased the feeling of being watched. Since last night he had discovered a mini camera in his car, which he had thrown out his window and speeded home to avoid, he felt like he didn’t have any privacy anymore. In the FBI’s defense, he had sort of signed away his privacy when he joined, but it still felt eerie. He was probably watched an excessive amount at work already, but now there had been a camera in his car, one that they specifically used to surveil people. He couldn’t trust anyone.

He could barely pay attention to what Jamie was doing and his hand jittered as he scrawled down reports of the usual websites he was on. Every time someone walked past his desk he started sweating. He had always felt so on top of this before, someone who was constantly watching someone else, in the name of his work having to strip away all their rights to privacy. It had given him a slight sense of superiority, knowing so much more about what normal civilians didn’t know. However, the tables had turned. Someone was watching him, or at least trying to. How long had the camera been in his car? Who put it there? What were they going to do when they realized he through it out of the window?

Kevin was taken out of his worrying with Jamie’s voice. He was only reminding himself to go to the store later, but it made him feel much better, though it was not as beautiful as his real life voice. He shouldn’t have been so concerned, he had Jamie to help him forget, but he still had faint bags under his eyes and slight shakes. Simply seeing the security camera as he walked into the building was stressful. 

“Hey, Kevin, we need to update the program again.” Kevin jumped at hearing the voice, then scooting his seat aside for his supervisor to get to his computer.

“What uh, what’s the update do?” 

“It gives us the ability to watch people when their devices are off.” The update description had struck a chord with Kevin. What if the camera that was in his car was one of the updated ones, recording him when he wasn’t even actually driving, recording him going into the theater. His eyes widened in realization.

Of course he’d be getting some surveillance after going to Jamie’s premiere. He had already had a meeting with his boss about how he had the hots for his assignment. Now he had actually gone to talk to him, even made plans with him. He was surprised his supervisor didn’t come by to tear him a new one. He was expecting to get yelled at, but nobody had even mentioned Jamie, nor the fact that Kevin even had an assigned person. It was weird, suspenseful, painful. They had to have known. Making contact with the assignment was one of the biggest no-no’s that he had been advised against in the beginning of this job.

“There. Just restart the computer it’ll work just fine.” He watched his supervisor walk away, leaving him alone at his desk. After double checking for anyone around him, he took his phone out his jacket pocket and covered the camera with a piece of masking tape from his drawer.


End file.
